It Can Often Rain

It is a rare and exceptional person who is willing and able to share a transition with their spouse. 

But.....

Statistically, the odds are very much against us.  The greater majority of spouses cannot or will not continue a relationship with a transitioning spouse.  Especially if the marriage has gone on any length of time without the spouse being aware of the gender conflict their partner is experiencing.  No blame should be placed on either partner.  The transgender individual almost always reaches the point where it absolutely necessary to transition to a life living as their preferred gender, and once begun that person will be happier with their life.  However, it is not what the non-transitioning spouse ever expected, and can seriously detract from that person's happiness.  The happiness & well being scale generally will tip upwards for the transgender individual but downwards for the spouse.

I learned recently that a dear friend and her spouse are separating.  My friend struggled for so very long to avoid transitioning mostly to hold on to her relationship.  And the wife tried for a long time to make a go of their relationship even after my friend began transitioning.  But the wife found she could no longer cope with a same sex partner. 

That's what it comes down to, transitioning for both people from a heterosexual partnership to a same sex partnership.

Anyone transgender person transitioning toward their preferred gender is often told they are so brave & courageous.  I beg to argue that for any transgender person it is ultimately a matter of necessity more than bravery.  In many ways coming out to everyone in the world and transitioning on the public stage is very frightening and does take a certain amount of courage.  But the more brave & courageous individual by a large margin in my book is the non-transitioning spouse who chooses to actively remain in the relationship.