Immediately following my last post almost a month ago on Wednesday, February 11th, I attempted suicide. I started swallowing a big pile of pills with the intent of ending my life. I had been experiencing fairly severe depression and felt that I could no longer continue on. My attempt failed. The pills I began taking made me drowsy and I passed out before I swallowed enough pills to be fatal. Sue found me after she returned home from work that day and immediately called 911. I was taken to the hospital emergency room, then within 24 hours moved to intensive care. I remember next to nothing those first 2 or 3 days. I know different people visited me, some I sort of remember and some I don't. The hospital kept someone in my room 24/7 for suicide watch. On Friday they moved me to a locked ward called the Behavioral Management Unit. The staff on this ward are tasked with helping people who have just experienced some crisis such as suicide or something serious involving substance abuse. They did a great job getting me back on my feet. And while I was in the hospital I received many cards and messages, visitors and flowers. I woke up to the fact that there are many people out there that care about me. I had been allowing my depression to block out any feelings from other people, even feelings from Sue. So it was a literal eye-opener that all these people, especially Sue, were caring more for me than I had been caring for myself.
I have been trying to rebuild my life and reconnect with people.
It's hard but I want to do better than before, be a better friend than before.
