I was brought up in a Catholic family. My parents have always been strong, devout Catholics. I attended Catholic school from 1st through 12th grades, and attended church every Sunday and all the special holy days until I was in my teens.
During my teen years when I began questioning how my life was supposed to be, I also began to question the relevance of the Catholic church. My education was heavy on religious doctrine and law and history. But mixed in there I had also learned about many of the corrupt leaders the Catholic church had experienced during its long history the and how human thinking greatly influenced and shaped so much of what the Catholic faithful practice today.
The bible is supposed to be the divine word, the only true word of God, to be considered the one ultimate basis of every aspect of our lives. The truth is that the bible consists of selected teachings interpreted numerous times throughout history. Those multiple interpretations of each lesson do not guarantee we are actually reading the original intent of those lessons. Additionally, there have been found many other manuscripts found from the same time periods that the bible's lessons are derived from that have never been included with the present day bible.
Add to this what my young, teenaged self was seeing. People who regularly attend Sunday mass but completely dismiss most Christian values throughout the rest of the week. People who regularly attend Sunday mass but always leave before the service has completed to ensure they get out of the parking lot first. People who say the prayers, repeating the same words over & over again by rote, not actually having any true thought or feeling regarding what is coming out of their mouths.
And a couple of the kickers is that anyone who is not Catholic cannot participate in communion and cannot go to heaven. A true Catholic believes they have the only true religion and belief in the true God, so if you are not a member of the club you do not get any of the benefits.
I have not attended Catholic mass much at all since high school and have not considered myself to be a member of that special club.
I do not harbor any anger or hate toward Catholicism. I have great respect for many of their traditions. The thing is, I cannot believe that they hold all the cards in the religion game. As a group they tend to appear close minded and uncaring of anyone not believing like themselves.
This has been a somewhat long-winded approach to what I really want to talk about, but you needed the background. Throughout her life my mother was one of the most faithful & devout Catholics I have known. She passed away over two years ago but thinking over her life I think she lived as close as possible to the way a Christian is supposed to live. She may have missed out on a few things by adhering to the Catholic faith but she was always a strongly Christian woman. My father has been the same. He has always lived exactly how devoutly Catholic men are supposed to.
My father is now 86 years old. He has had trouble seeing and hearing. It has been some time since he could drive a car. Since my mother passed away he has moved into a retirement community that he likes and has many good friends. It is very important to him to attend Sunday mass every week but occasionally he doesn't get a ride lined up. Since I am the only child of his living in the area he will call me for a ride. The first couple of times this happened I dropped him off at the church, then picked him up an hour later. I found that there is not much you can do in that hour in between so I started attending church with him on these occasions. I am sure this please him immensely even though I do not join in the communion and do not kneel when everyone else does.
This morning was one such occasion. Afterwards I was thinking that it seems that I have attended Catholic mass more times now since my mother passed away than in all the time between my teenaged years and my mother's death. I still do not consider myself to be Catholic but I must admit to having a certain sense of fulfillment?, satisfaction?, closure? ..... something anyway that feels rather good with spending this time with my father.
Finally, we are getting to the lesson of the day. One of the readings from this morning was the bible lesson found in a couple of places (Matthew 22:37-40, Mark 12:29-31, Luke 10:26-28) where Jesus informs people what are considered to be the greatest commandments:
"the first is that you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is that you shall love your neighbor as yourself. There are no other commandments greater than these.”
So let me ask this..... How can anyone who claims to be a true Christian not help anyone in need? How can a true Christian hold hate and anger toward anyone? How can a true Christian not accept others whether they are white or black or yellow or purple? Or whether they are liberal or conservative, Democrats or Republicans or Green Party or Tea Party? Or whether they are Catholic or Lutheran or Methodist or Presbyterian, or Jewish or Islamic (all these denominations & religions do actually believe in the same God after all). Or (here it comes) whether or not they are straight or gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender?
How can a true Christian hate another human being? How?
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Saturday, September 6, 2014
It Can Often Rain
It is a rare and exceptional person who is willing and able to share a transition with their spouse.
But.....
Statistically, the odds are very much against us. The greater majority of spouses cannot or will not continue a relationship with a transitioning spouse. Especially if the marriage has gone on any length of time without the spouse being aware of the gender conflict their partner is experiencing. No blame should be placed on either partner. The transgender individual almost always reaches the point where it absolutely necessary to transition to a life living as their preferred gender, and once begun that person will be happier with their life. However, it is not what the non-transitioning spouse ever expected, and can seriously detract from that person's happiness. The happiness & well being scale generally will tip upwards for the transgender individual but downwards for the spouse.
I learned recently that a dear friend and her spouse are separating. My friend struggled for so very long to avoid transitioning mostly to hold on to her relationship. And the wife tried for a long time to make a go of their relationship even after my friend began transitioning. But the wife found she could no longer cope with a same sex partner.
That's what it comes down to, transitioning for both people from a heterosexual partnership to a same sex partnership.
Anyone transgender person transitioning toward their preferred gender is often told they are so brave & courageous. I beg to argue that for any transgender person it is ultimately a matter of necessity more than bravery. In many ways coming out to everyone in the world and transitioning on the public stage is very frightening and does take a certain amount of courage. But the more brave & courageous individual by a large margin in my book is the non-transitioning spouse who chooses to actively remain in the relationship.
But.....
Statistically, the odds are very much against us. The greater majority of spouses cannot or will not continue a relationship with a transitioning spouse. Especially if the marriage has gone on any length of time without the spouse being aware of the gender conflict their partner is experiencing. No blame should be placed on either partner. The transgender individual almost always reaches the point where it absolutely necessary to transition to a life living as their preferred gender, and once begun that person will be happier with their life. However, it is not what the non-transitioning spouse ever expected, and can seriously detract from that person's happiness. The happiness & well being scale generally will tip upwards for the transgender individual but downwards for the spouse.
I learned recently that a dear friend and her spouse are separating. My friend struggled for so very long to avoid transitioning mostly to hold on to her relationship. And the wife tried for a long time to make a go of their relationship even after my friend began transitioning. But the wife found she could no longer cope with a same sex partner.
That's what it comes down to, transitioning for both people from a heterosexual partnership to a same sex partnership.
Anyone transgender person transitioning toward their preferred gender is often told they are so brave & courageous. I beg to argue that for any transgender person it is ultimately a matter of necessity more than bravery. In many ways coming out to everyone in the world and transitioning on the public stage is very frightening and does take a certain amount of courage. But the more brave & courageous individual by a large margin in my book is the non-transitioning spouse who chooses to actively remain in the relationship.
Finding Connections
I started attending meetings of the local PFLAG group a few months ago. The couple who facilitate this group (D & A) are very nice people with a gay son, who are strong advocates for the local LGBT community. About four months ago this PFLAG group came up with the idea of starting a spin-off group for transgender individuals. A guest speaker at the first meeting was from a Des Moines transgender support group. She spoke at length regarding what their group is all about, when it meets, etc, and had many great ideas.
At the beginning I told D & A that I would like to contribute support for the LGBT community (especially transgender) and that when possible I intended to attend every meeting. From that, they talked me into taking the position of facilitator of our transgender support group. The idea of doing so both excites & frightens me. I am very much looking forward to contributing in any way I can to provide support for any transgender individuals, however I am a passive & shy person who is terrified of speaking in front of a group of people. Taking on this role will be something of a challenge for me (due to my fear) but I consider it a good way find ways to deal with it. And having a passion for this type of support is a huge help. Our group has had transgender individuals attending as well as family members and friends/advocates.
We are meeting the 2nd & 4th Thursdays of every month from 5:30 PM to 7:00 PM, with the PFLAG group meeting in the same room from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM on the 2nd Thursdays of every month. I had no idea how many transgender people might live in this area and would like to attend this type of support group. From a relatively small beginning our transgender support group has been gaining strength. More transgender people than I expected, young & old, have shown up. And a few parents have attended our transgender support group, looking for answers and help with a transgender child, many of them newly aware of the child's preferred gender identity.
This summer I attended a picnic held by the local Pride group who are trying to grow their own numbers from the LGBT community. I met some great people at this event and plan to start attending their monthly meetings, which are held the 3rd Tuesday of every month. Last week I attended a summit held by the local Civil Rights Commission, the main topic being equal rights for housing for the LGBT community. Many from the local Pride and PFLAG groups attended, as did a few others from the LGBT community. I again met some great people.
What I have found is that I really look forward to meeting with these people. They thoroughly know & understand who I am and are fully accepting of me as a transgender woman. When you get right down to it, I am feeling very much connected to the people I have encountered within the local LGBT community. It is somewhat similar to a feeling of family. In many ways I am feeling a better connection with some of these people than I have with my own family (I best leave any discussion regarding relationships with my biological family for another post).
The main thing is, I have a strong sense of belonging to the local LGBT community and I would truly like to find more ways to advocate for better equality in our area and help provide better support for LGBT's, especially transgender people.
At the beginning I told D & A that I would like to contribute support for the LGBT community (especially transgender) and that when possible I intended to attend every meeting. From that, they talked me into taking the position of facilitator of our transgender support group. The idea of doing so both excites & frightens me. I am very much looking forward to contributing in any way I can to provide support for any transgender individuals, however I am a passive & shy person who is terrified of speaking in front of a group of people. Taking on this role will be something of a challenge for me (due to my fear) but I consider it a good way find ways to deal with it. And having a passion for this type of support is a huge help. Our group has had transgender individuals attending as well as family members and friends/advocates.
We are meeting the 2nd & 4th Thursdays of every month from 5:30 PM to 7:00 PM, with the PFLAG group meeting in the same room from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM on the 2nd Thursdays of every month. I had no idea how many transgender people might live in this area and would like to attend this type of support group. From a relatively small beginning our transgender support group has been gaining strength. More transgender people than I expected, young & old, have shown up. And a few parents have attended our transgender support group, looking for answers and help with a transgender child, many of them newly aware of the child's preferred gender identity.
This summer I attended a picnic held by the local Pride group who are trying to grow their own numbers from the LGBT community. I met some great people at this event and plan to start attending their monthly meetings, which are held the 3rd Tuesday of every month. Last week I attended a summit held by the local Civil Rights Commission, the main topic being equal rights for housing for the LGBT community. Many from the local Pride and PFLAG groups attended, as did a few others from the LGBT community. I again met some great people.
What I have found is that I really look forward to meeting with these people. They thoroughly know & understand who I am and are fully accepting of me as a transgender woman. When you get right down to it, I am feeling very much connected to the people I have encountered within the local LGBT community. It is somewhat similar to a feeling of family. In many ways I am feeling a better connection with some of these people than I have with my own family (I best leave any discussion regarding relationships with my biological family for another post).
The main thing is, I have a strong sense of belonging to the local LGBT community and I would truly like to find more ways to advocate for better equality in our area and help provide better support for LGBT's, especially transgender people.
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