Patience Dear

Patience dear woman.....

This admonishment is in reference to a couple of things.

Please be patient with the pace of transitional changes.  You have already seen changes occurring in the right direction.  You do know these changes cannot happen overnight (as much as you had wished that they would).  Your body is in fact changing.  Your body's muscle mass has been noticeably decreasing.  And it appears to be redistributing where expected to hips and butt, and best of all your breasts.  Your arm and hand strength is definitely less than it ever was.  Your hips are wider and your breast fully fill a B cup sized bra.  Your body hair (except face) is much less, and where it does exist is much finer.  Your skin overall is smoother and more sensitive.  That jumble of confusion and noise in your head has settled down comfortably to a zen-like quiet.  Your hormone therapy is doing its work as expected.  All of these changes will continue but must take time.  Fifty plus years of testosterone "poisoning" cannot be undone quickly.  So be patient.  It is getting better.

The other thing is not so much an admonishment to yourself.  Another pleasant and noticeable change has been your attitude...toward much of everything.  Before you had been so impatient and angry at so many things.  The smallest of incidents would get you steaming.  This has been a really good change.  It is difficult to attribute it directly to the hormone therapy or to the wonderful relief of being "out" as yourself.  It is most likely a combination of both.  The fact is, you have the patience of Job anymore.  Sure, some things still occur that annoy you.  But you seem to get over the few annoyances so much more easily and quickly.  This is a very good change.  However, as a side note Sue seems to have gained more impatience.  She has become more noticeably more impatient and more angry with life's annoyances.  She has been very accepting of my gender identity and transitioning, but I fear having to actually deal with it all may be causing her anger and impatience with life.  What an ironic Catch-22.  In coming out I had most feared losing Sue.  In gaining her acceptance I fear she has lost some of her sweetness and calm.  Not a fair trade-off.  And I now find myself occasionally admonishing her to be patient.....