Here I am, about 6 months out from my incident. How am I doing?
Immediately following my incident in February I had received many cards and well wishes and flowers. Many people stopped by the hospital to visit and encourage me. At the time it made me feel okay and I thought just maybe I could do this thing called life after all.
I have been working with the therapist I have had for a few years and my assigned psychiatrist, trying to get me to a positive place. The hope is that I can get to a positive place that will be sustainable. My therapist has always been very positive herself and it has always been helpful to have a session with her. I guess the time spent there is to try and heal my emotional well being.
Since February my psychiatrist has been adjusting & changing my medications. This would be to heal my physical well being. Supposedly depression is caused by a lack of something, or a messed up something in my head. And drugs are supposed to fix that.
My therapist has been helping me with coping skills, relaxing techniques and methods of gaining a more positive outlook on life.
The medication mix I am currently on seems to be the most helpful so far.
There is no magic cure that will erase the issues causing depression. All the garbage in me that had ever caused depression will always be there. The best I can do is learn to cope, learn to be happy, and find a medication that will help prevent another downward spiral.
Sue has been my best friend, the love of my life and my soul mate. She has been giving all the help she possibly can to build me back up. She listens to me, trying to understand what I am going through. She such a positive, bright light in my life.
So, how am I doing?
The depression isn't affecting me as bad lately. It's all still there but I don't have nearly as many episodes of feeling dark despair or sobbing uncontrollably. I guess my emotions are a bit more positive and more stable. Although occasionally one of these episodes will still grab ahold of me. I always used to have issues being in large groups of people, and that seems to have worsened. A few times over the past few months I have experienced more pronounced panic attacks while in a large group, more than I ever did before. A couple of times it was bad enough that I had to leave. Another symptom that seems to be hanging on with me is nervousness and anxiety. I lump them together since they seem to go hand in hand, and the most troubling effect of these is a physical jitteriness or shaking. I never had that before, and the jitteriness or shaking is occurring more frequently and for no apparent reason. It started small, just in my hands. But lately I can feel it all over, hands and arms and legs. And there have been more headaches. I have been back at work on my old job but that has become almost overwhelmingly stressful. Anymore it's difficult to focus on what I'm doing and to get all my work completed every day. I read quite a bit, watch shows & movies. These last have always been my best method of escape.
Is there hope for me? Sure. Can I get back into a happier life? Sure. Will it take time? Sure.
I counsel everyone else to be patient. I need to maintain my own patience.
